Betty ford says i'm here all night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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