its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
