He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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