just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
