He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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