He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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