Sponge bath it is.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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