how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
