I feel great
I just peed on a car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sex in a hospital.. check
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
