I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
