JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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