So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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