I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
