nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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