you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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