Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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