Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
