After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
