Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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