what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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