Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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