Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
