i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
