whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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