I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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