you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
bring money and cleavage
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
