We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
