Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize