Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
