i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
