Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
