just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you inspire me to be a worse person
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
