I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
