so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
