When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You can't just leave with hair like that
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
