I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
