why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
