Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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