can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
