He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
