I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
