I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
