I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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