I think im going to throw up on grandma
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
