my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
