Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
