My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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