you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
