Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
