explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
