Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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