You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
