suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize