Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
