You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
