Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
