I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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