My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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