My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cannot find my penis.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
