I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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