apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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