i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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