I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
