didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
