i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
