OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What drink are we having for lunch?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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