Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No subtext here. People are naked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
